I take back yesterday

Today David was giving LG a much needed bath (he was encrusted in salt water and sunscreen and I was there for moral support as LG cannot bare to be parted from me these days during his bedtime routine), he looked at me and said, "You look beat."

Yeah, well, essentially I feel like I work pretty much 24/7 with an occasional couple hour break here and there to sleep and maybe catch up on a TV show or two.

Last night, I went to bed after 11pm as I had some stuff to do. At 11:30pm LG tried to crawl into bed with us. I picked him up and put him back to his bed and "watched" him for five minutes until he fell back to asleep. Didi got up at 1am and 3:30am to nurse then was up for good at 5:40am. As David worked late last night and it was freakin' hot anyway, I just stayed up. When one is so sleep deprived anyway, why make someone else miserable?

Although I did not say as much to David, I think he could see it on my fact and volunteered to "take over" tonight and get the boys to sleep by hook or by crook. I, on the other hand, am going to take refuge in the guest room and ignore any protest I may hear from upstairs. Good luck guys!!

Tummy Time

Finally, Didi fell asleep on his tummy last night and only woke up once (once being defined as loud enough for me to intervene)!!!

And that once was mostly due to LG making a racket as I was escorting him back to his bed. My boobs were about to explode anyway, so I didn't mind. I was awake anyway.

Do I hear a hip-hip-hooray!!

Now, hopefully no more horrors when he starts to pull himself up to standing.

P.S. I am soooo glad I'm not working.

Unexpected Date

At approximately 3:45pm today, a kitchen knife suddenly leaped out of my hand as I was washing it and landed on my right index finger leaving a gash that was still bleeding at 4:05 when I called David and suggested he come home as I was still gushing blood.

A half hour later, with both kids safely at Mary Ann's, our next door neighbor, we found ourselves at the local emergency room, alone for the first time in at least two months (who counts anymore?).

"Hey David," I said. "Let's go out to dinner and pretend we were at the hospital the whole time. I won't tell, if you don't."

He looked at me. Then we both laughed.

Turned out I didn't need stitches after all. They cleaned me up, stuck some steri-strips on, and bandaged the whole thing up. We promptly came home and cooked up some frozen dumplings for dinner. My bandaged finger was subject to some fascination by both children. And David had to rub it in, but showing both LG and myself the proper way to clean a knife.

Thanks.

8 Months Old - Sleep is for the Weak

We continue to be in the throes of the 8 month sleep regression. Today Didi napped a total of 45 minutes - 15 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes (on my chest) this afternoon. Last night he was up something like five times??? I'm not sure. I lost track. He started in his crib, nursed, woke up 45 minutes later, then I brought him to bed with me as HE WOULD NOT CALM DOWN, woke up again, nursed and put him back in his crib (so I could sleep), up 45 minutes later, co-slept again, up one more time?? I don't remember.

This whole crawling thing is losing it's charm.

Weight Loss & a New Career?

Since I started Weight Watchers, I've lost 9.6 pounds in six weeks, and about 53 pounds since giving birth to Didi. I'm only a few pounds away from where I was pre-LG, but still have twenty five to thirty pounds to get to my "ideal" weight, depending on how ambitious I get - so don't applaud yet.

My secret? Nursing.

I get to eat about 500 extra calories (or 10 points in WW-speak) a day. That may not sound like a lot, but basically that's almost 50% more calories I'm allowed to eat and still lose weight (or 33 points a day vs 23 points if I weren't nursing).

That, my dear, is a lot of food. Basically, as long as I'm eating pretty healthily, staying away from all but the most occasional treats, and avoid juice, I can lose the weight without going hungry, which is a big deal, because not only do I like to eat, I like to feel full. In the past I've been known to eat beyond full, not because I felt gluttonous or particularly liked what I was eating - but I'd have this irrational fear that I'd be hungry later. Sometimes I think I must have starved to death in my past life.

So, considering my weight loss goals, and if I lose an average of one pound a week going forward (taking into consideration that it'll be harder to get the pounds off the further down the scale I go), I've got about six months left to go.

Didi is eight months old and six months from now he'll be 14 months, which is four months longer than I nursed LG.

The question is, can I make it that long??? And what happens after?? Last time, after I weaned LG, I gained 10 pounds in a few months. And afterwards, the scale kept going up. This time I'm determined to not let this happen so I've been thinking...I'm looking for a new career anyway, how about being a WET NURSE??

Of course, I'm not sure the kind of folks who would hire one would want a thirty seven year old nursing their newborn, and do I really want to take care of a baby while foisting my own children in childcare? (although I read that they can make $1000/week)

How desperate am I to lose the weight and keep it off?

Stay tuned!!

P.S. Noticed that I'm posting every day now? I thought I'd practice really blogging - at least 10 minutes a day. The quality can't get any worse (wit has an inverse relationship to the number of times one is woken up by children at night), so I might as well go for quantity.

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday, when I asked David what was planned for today, he hemmed and hawed and basically admitted that although he theoretically had a lot planned, he plain just couldn't get around to getting the stuff done, so basically what did I want to do?

That was an easy question to answer -- SLEEP.

Let's just say that the whole rolling over and sitting up in the middle of the night isn't quite as amusing as it was three or four nights ago. Basically, Didi is doing it constantly, and once up, cannot calm down and go back to sleep by himself. Whereas before I could pat his stomach, say sleep, sleep, and walk out. Now I have go in and lay him down, just to do it all over again 2 minutes later. He just can't help himself even when he's so, so tired. Clearly, not so much fun at 2am for either of us.

So this morning, when the kids got up at 7am, I got up to give a friendly "hi." I was feeling ok, despite the machinations from the night before and any other day, would have stayed up. But, in the spirit of the holiday, thought I'd just lay in bed for a bit longer, and before I realized it, I was having a lovely dream, and then woke up to the sound of a fussy Didi, ready to be nursed down for his morning nap at 8:45am.

After the nap, we hung out at the playground for a bit (lots of dads) then went out to lunch... For the sake of today, I threw diet out the window and LG and I shared a milkshake. I also had a hamburger...YUM. Although I didn't throw all caution to the wind. I didn't touch the fries and had no cheese on my burger. Still, though, chocolate milkshake....

Then this afternoon, I told David that I needed to take a quickie nap, 30 minutes tops, just to make it through the rest of the day. I had a bit of a hamburger hangover (I swear it was the most calories consumed in one sitting in at least two months) and needed to digest. TWO HOURS LATER, I awaken to the sound of Didi wanting to nurse (obviously, David is not familiar with that particular cry). It felt sooooo goooood. I vaguely remember slightly awakening and thinking it must be over a half hour, but I just. couldn't. get. up. I couldn't move. It was like the cumulative weight of ten months of sleep deficit was sitting on my chest daring me to open my eyes and I just wasn't up to the challenge.

Mother's Day = Nap day. Spa? Expensive brunch? Breakfast in bed? No thanks. A warm comfy bed in a sound proof, childless room is just fine, thanks. I think that'll do just fine for the next couple of years at least. David, take note.

When I asked David what he'd like for Father's Day, not surprisingly, the word SLEEP was the first word that tumbled out of his mouth.

Baby Maneuvers in the Dark

Sigh. His new found skills have now infected his night time sleep in addition to his naps. He was up every two hours and when I write "up", I mean UP, like sitting or on hands and knees. I'd put him back down on his back and 10 minutes later he was at it. I'd tried nursing him back to sleep but his eyes were wide open the whole time as he schemed about what trick to try next.

Finally at 4:45am, I got sick of the up and down game and tucked both him and myself in the guest bed and willed him to sleep. Instead I got a baby practicing saying "ba ba ba ba ba" and grabbing my face. It wasn't until I turned my back on him that he FINALLY called it a night and I managed to catch a couple hours of rest.

Funny, I don't remember LG doing this. Of course, I don't recall him ever learning to roll over as a baby, despite my trying to entice him with a particularly intriguing toy. LG would take a look, try for a couple of seconds, then give up and coo. Not Didi. He's determined!!

The potted plant stage is over. Although he can't crawl yet, Didi can pretty much get where he wants to go, by hook or by crook. The morning I witnessed him neatly flop from back to front like an Olympic gymnast then effortlessly pull back into a sitting position. Clearly, the midnight practice sessions have had an effect.

2AM Mommy Call

Last night, around 2am, I could hear Didi fussing. Nothing serious, just an occasional eh, eh. Enough to wake up the one person in the house with super mommy ears, but no one else. As when these things happen, I pee and get a drink of water, hoping that he'll calm down and go back to sleep on his own.

After a suddenly loud "eh" I decide to check in, just in case he was on his hands and knees again, like he has been doing for his naps.

Well, when I wandered in, he was sitting on his butt in the middle of the crib looking at me in a perplexed kind of look, like "ummm, how do I get back down."

I tried nursing him back to sleep, but he was wide awake the whole time... probably couldn't get over what he just accomplished. I plopped him back in the crib anyway, and I guess he eventually went back to sleep.

I guess it's time to lower the crib mattress!

The Napless Wonder

No, not LG... Didi shocked me on Monday be taking a two and half hour nap in the morning AND the afternoon. Five whole HOURS, and he still couldn't keep awake until seven. I got so much done around the house, I even started sorting my closet. I hung things up I didn't even realize I owned anymore.

Little did I know that Didi was storing it up like a chipmunk socking away nuts in the fall. He was banking the sleep so he could spend the naptime in the remainder of the week for PRACTICING ROLLING OVER and CRAWLING BACKWARDS. Since Tuesday, he hasn't napped for more that 45 minutes, and sometimes only 20. Each time I came in to find Didi on his hands and knees, either backed up to the end of the crib, or with one foot stuck between the slots.

Of course, that kind of ruined the whole sleep vibe, which meant a cranky baby and a cranky mommy. You know I need the nap as much as he does.

Meanwhile, LG? No naps this week. He's not tired. I should have bought the lottery ticket last week. It's only 9 pm, but I'm ready for bed. Good night.

Sniff, sniff... If I only had a girl

Yesterday, I lent my personal copy of The Slipper and the Rose (a 1976 musical retelling of Cinderella, starring Richard Chamberlain) to MZ, who as a three year girl loves (1) musicals (2) princesses and (3) ball gowns. Those are exactly three things my three year old boy could care less about.

Sigh. Perhaps when MZ grows older she can come over so I can read her A Little Princess.

I guess there's no chance of reliving my childhood with two boys around, is there? At least, David might get around to playing D&D with LG and Didi while I'm playing dress up with Bini or anyone else's daughter that I might be able to borrow for an afternoon.

It's Time to Buy a Lottery Ticket

LG has taken an unprecedented (well in the last 8 months) 4, count them one, two, three, four...well five you count the morning pass out on the couch when he was sick...NAPS, in the bed (versus the car), in one week. He hardly even made a fuss about it.

Could it be the growth spurt???

Meanwhile, Didi can now officially roll over from front to back. He's been doing it for about a week and a half now. He hasn't mastered the ability to roll from place to place, but does use his superbaby skills to get at certain toys. He's also Mr. Cranky Pants these days as he two bottom teeth are FINALLY coming it (about two months after LG got his first teeth). Nursing is definitely a bit more of a challenge (a) b/c when he bites down it HURTS (b) he is easily distracted, which means he bits down more often.

I'd type more, but am Mr. Cranky Pants myself. We are finally going through the effort of putting LG back in his bed when he gets up in the middle of the night. Between LG and Mr. Cranky, I'm not getting a lot of sleep at night and it's not quite made up by all this family naps (which they certainly help!).

Categorizing the World

Lately, LG has become obsessed with labeling all edible goods as "treat" or "not a treat." As we're eating dinner, snack, whatever, he asks "Is this a treat?" This leads to some very odd conversations, as how do you explain the world is not black and white to a 3 year old?

LG: Are cookies a treat?
Me: Yes. If you eat too many cookies, you'll get a tummy ache.
LG: Are carrots a treat?
Me: No. You can eat as many carrots as you want.
LG: Are crackers a treat?
Me: Well... they are not a treat, but you shouldn't eat too many.
LG: Are apple bars a treat?
Me: Well, yeah, sort of...
LG: ARE THEY A TREAT?
Me: Yeah...they are.

And so on...Don't get me started about our conversation about who is fat...innocently started when I said I couldn't eat something because I was on a diet.

Speaking of categorizing, I've been noticing that LG's world is quickly turning splitting into girl/boy. One on one, LG couldn't care less. He loves his Irene and Julia and MZ and Poppy (the other day, LG and Poppy decided to have a potty party in the corner of the playground). BUT as soon as there is a gang, the boys quickly start chasing each other around the playground "shooting" sticks, matchbox cars, whatever can be held in hand, and the girls, well, I'm not sure what the girls do. Dress up dolls? I had to be all gender stereotyping, and there are some exceptions (Irene can beat LG hands down in the climbing department), but at our parties, increasingly it's not just the mommies and daddies gradually self segregating, but the preschool girls and boys... At THREE! Today, we had our somewhat weekly playdate with Henry and MZ and basically Henry and LG were running around like crazy making shooting sounds, while MZ sat on the side primly watching and trying to get out of the way.

Anyway, it's all happening eerily faster than I thought it would...

BTW, I've gotten half dozen comments this week about how LG has grown. Sure enough, we lined him up against the kitchen doorway tonight and he's grown an inch in the last two and half months. Where has my baby gone!!!

Chopsuey Mommy (sort of) Reporting Back to Duty

Swimming Lessons

Agong's Birthday Cheesecake

I have been derelict in my blogging duties as of late. Blame it all on the recent visit my sister and her family made. In addition, my parents drove up to take advantage of seeing their granddaughter (my niece) while she was on the West Coast. It also happened to be my Dad's birthday this week, so it was nice to have everyone together.

First there was the preparation (finding, washing, then setting up bedroom and bathroom arrangements), then the actual week long visit (driving a large SUV around the city), then finally the recovery (washing and putting away of bedding, etc. - plus dealing with cranky children who got up at 5am to see Auntie, Uncle, and Meimei-little sister in Chinese-off). Even though it was immensely fun, it was also exhausting!! LG and his cousin Bini (15 months younger) were instant best buddies and liked to run around the house screaming, jumping on beds, alternatively loving each other, and pushing each other away.

Anyway, I promise to post further details later. Or maybe not. Depending on whether I have any energy tomorrow night. I'll have both kids as LG has caught Bini's cough. He went to bed tonight after having thrown up (and consequently eating only Jello for dinner) and suffering from a slight fever.

7 Months Old!

I can't believe little Didi is 7 months old!! I have to say, things have gotten A LOT easier since the half year marker. Didi no longer cries in the car. He (usually) takes fairly regular naps in the crib. He can sit up (when he's not trying to get on his hands and knees to reach something). He laughs. All in all, for all you new moms of two out there. It gets MUCH better.

Poor #2, however, still gets the short end of the stick attention wise. Especially when LG is around. When big brother is at school, I end up taking Didi around to run errands. After he wakes up from his first nap, within 15 minutes, he's either strapped in the car to goto the store, or strapped in a stroller to goto the park.

He's also getting to be really cute, getting a lot of attention at the grocery store. We recently went to a casting call for knitting book for babies, but didn't get cast! Oh well. Life of a star isn't what it's cracked up to be, anyway.

Still no sign of teeth, although that hasn't not prevented him from hacking away at an apple slice I innocently gave him to suck on during brunch. Hmmm, gums of steel.

I'd love to write more, but I'm exhausted. I promise the 8 month post will be more exhaustive!

Is 3 the new 13?

Ever since LG turned three, on so many weeks ago (really has it only been 5 weeks?), his middle name has turned into Mr. Whine. Mommy...Mommy...Mommy! Take off my shoes! I swear I say to him about 10,000 times a day, can you ask me nicely? can you use please? Can you talk to me in a regular voice? I don't understand you when you talk like that.

And that's just the Whining! He's also taking to "fibbing" when he knows that I won't like the real answer. For example, last week he was begging me to make sugar cookies. Soon after we made the dough, it was clear to me that he was much more interested in playing with it than actually making cookies. AND he discovered that's it's much simpler to "cut to the chase" so to speak, by eating the dough directly without the added bother of baking it. When I caught him in the act and asked him whether he was eating the dough, he answered, NO. Then when I kept on looking at him, he shouted "GO AWAY!" while tucking into another nibble of dough.

Sigh. During spring break, Nana and Papa welcomed LG to their home for a week. That week, his nursery school was closed, and I could not bear the thought of being home alone with both kids for five days in a row. There he had daily playmates (his cousins) and the rapt attention of his grandmother. What could be better?

Meanwhile, I only had to entertain Didi and what a piece of cake that was! It was almost boring. Like, I couldn't believe I ever thought having one kid was ever "hard." I shopped, I cooked and froze meals, I took luxurious naps. It was practically a vacation.

We also took this opportunity to "sleep train" Didi. As LG was not around, I didn't leap out of bed to quiet the baby every time he wimpered. Overall, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The first night, he cried at 11pm and at 4pm for about a half hour each, on and off. The second night, silence from 6:30pm to 5am, the same with the third night. There was some set back for the following three nights, but so far (knock on wood), it's been far, far better than before when he was waking up every two hours.

Meanwhile, without the distraction of traipsing around town after big brother, Didi actually developed a sleep routine! In his crib!! At fairly set times!! (wake up between 6am and 7am, first nap between 8:30am and 9am for one and half to two hours, second nap between 12:30pm and 1pm for one and half to two hours, asleep by 6:30pm to 7pm - the miracle of the 2-3-4 schedule thanks to Moxie). It even works out so that Didi goes to bed before I have to start LG's routine...which means I am now capable of the one-parent bedtime routine. Hip, hip hooray, as David is threatening to work late next week.

Of course, this is all through the power of the boob. Yep, nursing to sleep. As with all parental issues, I'll deal with this one later.

And the downside is that on the days that I have LG, we're kind of slave to the nap schedule, sticking around the house and getting back to it so Didi could sleep in the crib. Didi is getting too interested in the world (my goodness, he's so close to crawling, it's scary. What happened to the Golden Months - sitting but not crawling? It's supposed to be plural. Good god, please don't let him crawl too soon!), so napping in the sling hasn't been working out too well.

Oh, and Didi started daycare on Fridays. Last Friday was his first day. Apparently it didn't go over so well as he cried as soon as I left his eye sight and then, apparently, napped only five minutes in the afternoon. Oh well, I'm sure he's not scarred for life.

I guess that's it! I've been editing my blog for eventual self-publication (Thanks www.blurb.com!), so have lately been focused on my 2005 entries. How intriguing, how boring, how obsessed I was with sleep Anyway, I've been working on the past and neglecting the present. Silly, silly mommy! Will post again, soon.

Me, myself, the Mommy

This post, unlike the past few dozen, will be devoted to me, the mommy. So if you're here to read about the kids, move on. I've noticed that through the three years now that I've been blogging, I've been writing more and more about LG and now Didi's various stages, accomplishments, and annoyances, and less and less about how I'm managing life, work, mommy-hood, wife-hood, and various other hoods. Although I don't feel less of a person than I did before the miracle of birth, I do feel like I have to share that self amongst a lot more parties, which gives me less and less time to dwell on how I'm doing.

Anyway, in the last two weeks I've embarked on two projects that hopefully will change my life for the better. Most importantly, they are focused on ME. The first is that I've joined Weight Watchers. A friend of mine who joined and lost weight on it before the birth of her first child and, again, before her second child, was compelled to join again now that #2 is toddling around and weaned. I'd always been curious about Weight Watchers. I dieted before I got pregnant and successfully lost 15 pounds before plateauing. But I could never get around to dieting again, post LG, and kept procrastinating thinking, why bother since I was planning on getting pregnant again anyway?

Well, six months and a diabetes scare later, her nudging was all I needed to get my sorry ass out of bed early on a Saturday morning to join her and another friend to my first meeting. I figure that keeping a food journal, being accountable at a weekly weigh-in, and the support of other dieting friends would help me along much better than my current dieting plan which basically consists of (1) nursing as much as possible (2) pushing two kids in a stroller (80 pounds and literally getting heavier every day!) up the damn hill to the playground at least twice a day. Of course all this is offset by an almost daily sugar fix to keep me awake since I'm barred from caffeine (last time I drank coffee, Didi was up most of the night).

Ironically, with all my ups and downs, my starting weight is the same as when I started dieting oh so many years ago pre-LG. Of course, I'm shaped entirely differently....

Anyway, wish me luck!! My goal is to get into a single digit clothing size!!

The second major project in my life is going to a career coach. Now that Didi is six months old, I thought that I better start thinking about what I want to do next and thought having an objective outsider's perspective might help. I can't seem to get past the rut that I CAN'T HAVE IT ALL. All meaning (1) work-life balance (2) good salary with benefits (3) a job that I'm passionate about. Thinking about this, obsessing even, makes me a tad tense. Even the coach sensed "my fear" and suggested that I "open my mind the possibility of finding the perfect job."

Still, I can't seem to think that getting two of the three would be about all I could hope for. I could work for a non-profit or get a teaching credential and get (1) and (3), but forget (2). I also could possibly get (2) and (3) if I decide work at a start up or become a successful entrepreneur (although (2) might not happen for awhile), but I'd be totally screwed for (1). Probably the easiest path would be to focus on (2), but with two itty-bitty kids, I really need (1). So my minimum standard is (1) and (2) which will be tough enough as it is without throwing (3) into the mix.

So far, the coach has been focusing on getting over my mindset that finding a career or job with all three is impossible. Mindset, folks, that's where we're stuck at and only 7 more sessions left.

It also doesn't help that I think I have some of the typical "feminine" traits that I recently heard discussed at a lecture given by Dee dee Myers (was listening to NPR while folding laundry, natch). Anyway, this lecture was in support of her book Why Woman Should Rule the World, and the part that caught my ear was when she started to discuss why woman don't currently rule the world and why men do. Part of it is external perception and her example was Barak Obama. Her opinion is that it is HIGHLY likely that a woman with his background (community organizer, state senator, first term senator) would be the laughing stock of politics if she thought she was qualified to run for president on such a short resume.

The other part is internal. If someone said, I need someone to lead this organization and this person has to have these five qualifications, a man would no doubt quickly raise his hand "I've got two! Pick me, pick me, pick me!" A woman, on the other hand, would sit back and say "Well, I've got four, and kind of got a little bit of five. Get back to me in a few years when I've got a better grasp on that last one." I am that woman... I've GOT to succeed, I HAVE to do a good job, that's my make-up. I'm a goody two-shoes Chinese American geek. I need to feel qualified or have enough time to learn. I can't fake it.

So the last three years have been incredibly difficult. I often felt like I didn't have enough time or energy to be my total best at work, and ditto at home. Now that I'm at home full time, I get the benefit of feeling that way just at home!

Alas, I digress. I need to open my mind to the possibility that YES, it IS possible to have it all. That because it seems incredibly hard doesn't mean that it has to be so. I need to reach out, talk to folks and be open the possibility of being well-compensated, happy and sane. If you believe, it will become... or something like that...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Didi and mommy

Last weekend we went up to the mountains. It was LG and Didi's first time in the snow, and me and David's first time since the year I got pregnant with LG. As you can see from the banner above, it's been awhile. When we first made plans, I was kind of excited to be able to ski again. Not that I'm all that on skis...I did grow up in the Midwest where our local slope was literally a garbage dump that had been covered in a layer of dirt and artificial snow. Literally their blue slope is equivalent of a bunny hill here. The black diamond? Folks here would laugh themselves silly down the hill.

LG with Mommy

But seriously, who the hell was I kidding? With two kids, one still nursing? We were lucky to get in a morning of sledding. I think it's going to be awhile before I'm on skis again. I just hope I remember how to do more than a snowplow by then.

LG, though, was THRILLED. We arrived just as a storm was settling in on the mountain, and everything was covered in a layer of white. Even though it was late afternoon and the snow was coming down thickly, as soon as we unpacked, LG was begging to be put in his snowsuit (thanks ebay!) and boots. Within an hour, David and LG were making snow angels, throwing snowballs, and having a grand old time. It took me a bit longer to get Didi dressed for the weather, but I didn't want to miss out on the chance to have snowflakes land on my tongue, either!

Sledding

LG acted as if everything was old hat. He'd been reading Snowy Day since he was a baby, and can actually quote from it from memory. If you asked LG, he would have scoffed at the suggestion that it was his first time in the "real" stuff. After our first full day in the snow, it was fun to read the book and ask him "did your feet crunch, crunch into the snow, too? Did you slide down a great, big, heaping mountain of snow? Did you make snow angels?" and finally be able to answer yes, yes, yes!! Oh, and did I mention that after a morning of sledding, he took a monster three hour nap? The joys of a little fresh mountain air!

Snow-hawk

Didi was a bit more "so, what?" about the whole thing and actually fell asleep in David's arms while we were sledding. Note, now that there are two kids, you see all those photos of me with the kids? Taken by strangers. I actually had to poke people in the shoulder and ask them to take a couple shots. Sigh.

Anyway, we had a fabulous time. I think LG was a teeny, tiny bit scared by the sledding. It would put the sledding hills of my childhood to shame. But he warmed up. He was much more interested in stomping around in the snow and throwing it around with his friends. I can't wait until next year!

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Boobies

As I was nursing Didi this morning, I had the following conversation with LG:

LG: Mommy, you have big boobies.
Me: Really? Do you have boobies?
LG (looking down): I have little boobies.
Me: Does daddy have boobies?
LG: He has little boobies, too.
Me: How about Didi?
LG (laughing as if I'm the silliest person in the world): He has NO boobies.

I won't even comment on the comment he made about David's p---- the other day when the two of them took a shower together. Suffice it to say, that it's big and long whereas LG's is little.

You see, I don't have to be funny any more. LG is funny enough for the both of us.

What happened?

Future American Idol - See how soulful he sings and how he connects with the audience?

I was rereading posts from when LG was 6 months old and am astounded (a) how funny I was, even though I was working full time and (b) that LG at the age of 6 months and 5 days slept from 7:15pm to 6am.

For some reason I think there must be a connection between (a) and (b). I know you're not supposed to compare, but Didi, you have never, ever, ever come close to sleeping that many hours in a row and too bad I don't have time to photograph the circles under my eyes show you when you're 14 and claim that I don't love you what I had to go through just in the FIRST six months. Although I love my boys dearly, I'm just a mom trying to SURVIVE, I tell you.... The other day some asked me whether I was enjoying my year as a SAHM mom and I replied, that it wasn't so much enjoying as ENDURING.

But I'll save that for another post, tentatively entitled "Didn't we almost have it all" (yes, I'm not so subtlety referring to Whitney who did than so did not which in some ways reflect my life, except I'm not as skinny or rich).

I also have a tentative "snow" report, with pics from LG and Didi's first trip to the north.

Like how I describe my future posts without actually posting? Yeah, it's virtual blogging. Just plug into my head while I'm falling asleep and you'll get more posts that you actually care to. Then again, I'm not sure how many people care to now other than my fan club of my parents, sister, and cousins, especially since I'm barely posting once every 10 days.

Can you tell, I've had a glass of wine?

Anyway, until the next post, below a conversation I had with LG yesterday.

LG: When I grow up, I want to be a garbageman. When I grow down, I want to be LG.
Me: Really? How about mommy?
LG: When you grow up. You'll be a fireman. When you grow down, you'll be MOMMY!
Me: And daddy?
LG: When daddy grows up, he'll be a choo choo man on a train. When he grows down, he'll be...(thinking)...DADDY

Can't argue with that logic...

6 Months Old - My little Curious George

Wow, I'm halfway through my extended maternity leave! I can scarcely believe it. Didi is becoming less and less like an appendage on my chest (either breast feeding or asleep in the Ergo) and more a little personality. I'm not sure how clearly you can see it in the picture, but he still has David's complexion (i.e. none), fair-ish hair, and hazel eyes. He's also grabbing at EVERYTHING within reach. Watch out phone and remote control!!! I walked away for a second to grab the phone, and found half a banana peel in his mouth by the time I got back.

I seem to dwell on the downside of being #2, but there are some definite advantages. For example, there are already LOTS of toys. Instead of being stuck with stupid baby Einstein baby thingy's he's already picking and inspecting garbage trucks, legos (the big kind), and transformers. He's experienced snow, been on a plane, and has visited every major museum in San Francisco. All at six months! With all that under his belt, I wonder what the next six months will bring.

Anyway, below is a summary of the latest and greatest regarding dearest Didi.

Sleep: On the plus side, in the past week, Didi finally stopped waking up 45 minutes after putting him down. The trick? I tuck my nursing tank top next him before I leave. I can't believe it took my nearly 2 months to figure that out. The downside? Last night was the first time in over two weeks that he slept for more than 3 hours. He USED to do at least one five to seven hour stretch, but that is a distant memory. He hit the 4 month sleep regression and just kept regressing.

The nadir was our trip to Tahoe where he would goto bed nicely between 7pm and 8pm, sleep for 4 hours, then wake up every 45 minutes to an hour UNTIL MORNING. During this time, I also had a massive cold. Between his waking up every two to three hours (sometimes less) and my coughing, I was not getting much sleep and it nearly killed me... We're still co-sleeping regularly b/c when he doesn't want to go back to the crib at 2am I just can't deal.

Curiously, this seems to be coinciding with nursing less during the day, because he's just too interested in everything going around him. I USED to be able to read, watch TV, etc., while nursing, but lately, every rustle of a magazine, or even David sneezing, he pulls of and is like "Hey, what's that, what did I miss?"

Fortunately, LG's off to grandma's Easter week and when we get back, I'm going to by some ear plugs and just sleep. Watch out Didi!

Naps: Basically Didi takes his first nap 1.5 to 2 hours after waking up. He'll sleep anywhere from 30 minutes to 2.5 hours. There doesn't seem to be a pattern. Thereafter, he sleeps pretty much every two to three hours. The number of naps depends on how long they are. Sometime he takes 4 short naps, sometimes 2 long-ish naps, sometimes 1 monster nap and 1 short nap.

I'm loathe to sign up for a class (swimming and music would be fun) because I feel like I can't guarantee a time that he'll be awake. One day, he's just getting up from a nap at noon and the next day he's just going down for one at that time. He naps longest when we co-sleep in my bed. He naps the shortest alone in the crib. He takes OK naps in the ergo when we're out and about with big brother. We're lucky that David does the drop off in the morning so I can just lay down and nap with Didi.

On days I have both kids, LG plays at home until Didi's done with his first nap, usually in my bed. The rest of the naps, my dear, are in the car or Ergo. Unfortunately, if he falls asleep in the car, he won't stay asleep once I stop. One day I ended up driving in circles around the peninsula for 2.5 hours. Needless to say, when David got home, I was not in a good mood.

Sometimes it's just easier to nap on the go, as when I try to nurse Didi down, or lay down with him while we're home, LG is always barging in and wanting to be "part of the action" despite the fact, there is NO action and me constantly shouting/whispering at him to GO AWAY doesn't seem to work. This makes it next to impossible for Didi, Mr. Curious these days, to settle down.

Yummy, Butternut Squash

Eating: We started a couple of weeks ago and Didi's loving it! I tried to wait until he was six months, but he would have none of it. One day, I was eating a banana and he kept grabbing for it. So I thought, why not? I put a little bit on my finger, put it in his mouth, and, viola, his first solids! No daddy around to take pictures, no big ceremony (sorry #2!). Nevertheless, he LOVED it. And we took pictures later.

So far, he's had banana, sweet potato, butternut squash, acorn squash, avocado, rice cereal, pears and carrots (as you can tell I'm introducing food every 2 or 3 days instead of waiting until 4). Unlike last time, I'm making all the food and it seems to make a difference. I think he likes the thicker consistency of homemade food over the thin stage 1 jar stuff. For banana I don't even bother mashing it. I just scrape off tiny bits with a baby spoon and feed it to him. Makes meals on the go easy!

First time on swing

Milestones: Didi so far has shown no interest in rolling over from back to stomach, although he's pretty much mastered from stomach to back. He also shows no interest in crawling. I'm not too concerned as LG was the same and he's Mr. Wrestle nowadays. I'm definitely not looking forward to when Didi gets mobile!!! I like being able to put him down on the bed and being able to go to the bathroom, so as far as I'm concerned, he can take his time. Based on my experience watching LG's playmates grow up, the ones who walked at 17 months are doing just as fine as the ones who started ambling at 10 months.

As for sitting, Didi is getting better and better every day. He can sit for a couple of minutes now without toppling over, but he tends to get interested in stuff beyond his grasp so he falls over trying to reach it. Unfortunately, he gets bored really easily so it's harder to just plop him down for a few minutes to wash dishes or make dinner... Sigh!! So much going on, but still sometime he just wants mommy to hold him.

Really, there is so much to say, but I'm just been too tired to post. You'll be able to tell when Didi starts sleeping better, as I promise to post more when I'm better rested. Good night for now, and I'll update this post with pictures just as soon as I get around downloading them.

3 Years Old!

Licking the frosting off his birthday candle

Wow! Three! What a difference a year makes. Last year, LG was scarcely coherent. His sentences largely began with "I want" and asking for specific things. Now he's a motor mouth and picking up all sorts of verbal ticks - good and bad. The other day, he dropped something and said "Oh, man!" He's also making up all sorts of stories, mostly involving monsters, and asking lots, and lots and LOTS of questions. His grammar is coming along. It's funny what kind of "rules" he picks up. For awhile he was saying "to later" kind in the pattern of "tomorrow" and "today." And when I say "No ice cream," he'll reply "Yes ice cream!"

One downside is he's kind of dropped the Chinese. I don't think he gets enough exposure to it and the less he speaks, I find the less I speak. Although on the occasions I do get enough energy to talk to him, I find he still understands, which gives me a little hope.

Anyway, all the verbal diarrhea makes hanging out with LG on the one hand a lot of fun and an the other, totally annoying at the same time. A good example was the one night he crawled into bed, fell asleep, an hour later woke up and stated "I don't want to" then fell immediately back to sleep. And yes, at the age of three, he still crawls into bed with me more nights than not. On the plus side, when he sleeps with me, he usually doesn't wake up until eight or later. When he stays in his bed all night long he tends to wake up at seven or earlier (but then again, that's not my problem as David has morning duty). The mommy sandwich is getting dreary and I often spend the night scheming on how to get my kids to sleep in their own beds one day!!!

His favorite present

This year, for his birthday we decided to throw a joint party with a friend whose daughter is 3 days younger than LG. They belong to the same "play group" so two-thirds of the guest list was the same. We booked a few picnic tables near the carousel at Golden Gate Park and prayed to the weather gods that the weather would be nice, and fortunately, they listened and the day was glorious, fog-free, and sunny.

His favorite present was a Skuut (kind of like a pedal free bike) that LG demo'ed at a local kiddie store and LOVED. He doesn't quite get the concept of pedals. They only get in the way, so the skuut was perfect. In the few days that he's had it, he's gotten quite good at balancing and steering and can almost glide on the wheels (check out the video on the website) -- apparently it'll make learning a "real bike" easier and allow him to skip training wheels. We'll see! The other day we had a playdate with a friend of his who has a more traditional bike with training wheels. When they traded, LG kept on trying to push the bike with the wheels and couldn't quite get the hang of the pedals. Meanwhile he friend was falling all over the place on the skuut.

His second favorite toy was a light saber courtesy of his cousins, who also brought theirs to the party. For awhile there was an epic battle going on next to the picnic tables. David has never shied away from introducing LG to videos and books that are not designed for little kids. I think LG was scarcely two and half before David started watching Star Wars with him and a month ago I caught them watching old episodes of Dr. Who. Meanwhile it seems like within a span of a few weeks, LG graduated from reading repetitive board books like "Brown Bear, Brown Bear what do you see?" to comic books (Big Fat Little Lit) and books with complex stories ("What happened to the Lorax?")

Three is the age when they asks the darnest questions like "Mommy, if you don't have a penis, where does the pee-pee come out? Your pi-gu? (Chinese for butt)" "Am I big or little?" and more that I can't recall right now.

Anyway, to answer the last question - LG, you're getting bigger everyday, but to me, you'll always be little.

The Added Expense of Staying at Home

I feel like since I quit my job, all I've been doing is spending money, money, money. Flying out the window like little wisps of paper in a storm. First of all, I had to buy a laptop and cell phone to replace the work ones I had been using. Then the fridge died. Didi outgrew his infant carrier which meant we had to transfer him to LG's and then buy LG a new car seat. Finally, it became more and more clear that I NEEDED a double stroller.

I posted awhile back about our stroller search. And really, if I were still working I doubt I would have needed a double. It would be rare that David and I would be home alone often with two kids. But, alas that was not meant to be. I am home three times a week with both kids. The other two days I have pick up duty (thankfully nearby walking distance). Before Didi was born, LG was walking everywhere, but now that Didi is here, LG INSISTS on using the stroller.

And when I INSIST that he walks, half the time I regret it. Especially if I'm eager to get to somewhere. He is Mr. 20 questions these days. For example, one day we passed a cup of coffee that someone had spilled on the street. He stopped, looked at it and asked "What's that?"

Me: Someone dropped their coffee.
LG: What's that?
Me: A coffee cup.
LG: What's that?
Me: Coffee.
LG: What happened?
Me: Someone dropped their coffee.
LG: What happened?
Me: Someone dropped their coffee.
(Repeat 10 more times with my response varied slightly each time).
LG: (Pointing to the lid that's about 2 feet further down the sidewalk). What's that?
Me: The lid.
LG: What happened?
Me: The lid fell off and spilled the coffee.
(Repeat 10 more times.)
LG: Oh. Who spilled the coffee.
Me: I don't know.
LG: WHO spilled the coffee.
(Meanwhile I have started to walk away and am approximately 15 feet down the sidewalk).
LG: Mommy you FORGOT me.

Repeat this kind of conversation ad nauseum until destination researched approximately ten times longer than it would take than if you just take him in the freakin' stroller.

So, when he wants to stroll, I'm all for it.

Until now, we've been getting around by one of three ways:
(1) Didi in baby carrier (first the Moby, and now the Ergo), and LG walking.
(2) Didi in carrier and me pushing LG around in the McClaren (i.e. 18 lbs strapped to my chest and pushing 33lb toddler and 18 lb stroller and 8 lb diaper bag up the freakin' hill as both nearby playgrounds are up huge hills - and my mom thinks I don't get any exercise!)
(3) Didi in Snap n' Go and LG standing on the support bar up said freakin' hill (I know it wasn't built for that, and probably not exactly safe, but it worked!).

Well, Didi is now 5 months and getting kind of heavy and my back ain't what it used to be. He's also outgrowing his car seat which means I had to somehow get both kids on a set of wheels.

Thus when I saw the Phil & Ted stroller was on sale at the local kiddie store, I snapped it up.

So far, it's been great. My back is thanking me. Plus, based on the going rate for these on Craigslist, I think I should be able to get most of it back in a couple of years.

Month 5 - The Mommy Sandwich

Despite all my attempts these past five months to instill "good" sleeping habits in my youngest son, it has not prevented him from taking after his elder brother in that both somehow end up in bed with me sometime before dawn.

As we have a mere queen size mattress and I have yet to purchase a bed rail, Didi ends up occupying a good half of the bed for fear of me accidentally pushing him off in the middle of the night (thank god he has not learned to roll). LG, as those of you familiar with my blog know, easily takes up the other half. Consequently I spend half the night crammed in the middle, tossing and turning on a mere sliver of bed, with either one arm or the other crammed uncomfortably up a pillow.

For the past two nights, Didi has gratefully woken up only once. Unfortunately, each time he was up for more than an hour and REFUSED to return to his crib. Yes, that is the correct word. Crib. He finally graduated from the pack and play last week and is currently sharing a room (that is when they are not in mine) with his big brother. This transition, alas, was not due to careful planning. Basically, one day, a miracle occurred and LG deigned to nap in mommy's bed with Didi and I. LG not only woke up refreshed, he woke up refreshed and wet as he had peed in his sleep. Unfortunately, I was not able to get the sheets washed and the bed made before Didi's bedtime, so off into the crib he went! And has been ever since.

I would sigh in despair at the current state of sleep (or the quality lack thereof in my case as the kids seem to sleep exceedingly well in this most recent arrangement), except I know that this, too, shall end. In the past few weeks I have been oft tempted to blog regarding the pain and suffering that is inflicted upon me by my children in the middle of the night, yet each time I am close to sitting down, the situation and the solution change. We would let him FIO or CIO (fuss or cry it out), but I'm afraid of disturbing LG.

For a month, Didi would wake up exactly a half hour after I put him down and then cry and fuss incessantly. It would take anywhere from five minutes to two hours to get him asleep and back into the crib. For a few days, he developed a sudden fondness of the pacifier and that would get him back to sleep without much fuss. But that phase ended. Then for a couple of nights I could actually put him down tired but awake and he would fall asleep as long as I was watching him. But lately, he wants me to hold him...and hold him...and hold him... So for the past two nights I've given up and just watch TV while I hold him for a half an hour or more until he's in deep sleep before slipping him into the crib. I know this a no-no in certain sleep circles, but trust me, it's the LEAST aggravating solution...for now.

Don't even get me started about naps!!

In other Didi news, he has developed a hatred of the car seat or car rides (I can't tell), so that every time we need to drive somewhere he cries uncontrollably until we arrive. He also has a near constant rash on his neck from incessant spit-up.

On the PLUS side, however, he's become quite good at grabbing things. I remember when LG received some toy boats for bathtime from Ama when he was 4 months old, it seemed like it was forever before he showed any interest in them. Didi, on the other hand, has quite good hand motor skills. When holding him while eating, I really have to watch it as a couple of times he nearly grabbed the plate out from under me. For the 5 month photo shoot, he grabbed the sign a couple times and started chewing on it. I literally had pry it from his dirty little hands!

He's also fascinated with his toes. Every time I change him, he's got to put a toe or two in his mouth. Tonight, LG, Didi, and I were sitting on the living room rug all trying to eat our toes.

Finally, he was the amazing belly laugh - all throat-y like Tatum O'Neil in Paper Moon. The other day we were singing Oh Susana and ending the song with a Ba-Ba like it does in one of LG's toys. Anyway, he thought it was fricken' hilarious and giggled like mad for first dozen times we did it (the second dozen you could tell he was like "enough already!"). It was the first time he laughed without one of tickling him or physically touching him.

So that's all for now. More posts brewing in my head... Until then, I'll entertain you with a photo of LG "nursing" his baby.

Ahh - Motherhood, Week 1

My first official week as SAHM has been marred by ill health and appliance disasters. I woke up last Sunday to discover that everything in the freezer had melted. This was the fourth time this had happened and the last time I got it fixed the repairman said that if it happened again, it was time to get a new one.

So while everyone was watching the Superbowl, poor me was shopping for fridges. I ended purchasing a lovely Samsung (highly rated on Consumer Reports), and when it arrived on Wednesday, it turned out that I had purchase the WRONG size and it wouldn't fit in the current space. Poor me had assumed fridges came in standard sizes and the sales guy did nothing to tell me any different. What I actually needed was a counter-depth fridge, which required special ordering and by the way, wouldn't you know it, it costs $500 - $1000 more for a SMALLER fridge. On Thursday, I ended up having to get up at 6am, nurse Didi, then run quickly to the store to do the exchange before David had to go to work. Of course this was a day when LG couldn't go to the usual babysitter b/c the babysitter's daughter had the flu and she didn't want LG to catch it.

UGGG!!! This meant not only mega-un-budgeted expenditures, the tossing out of groceries, and priceless breastmilk (60 oz!!!) but we were going to be fridge-less for 10 days

Sigh. Thanks to quick mommy thinking, I was able to procure a mini-fridge on Craigslist for $40 to tide us over milk and other necessities wise, but we're still ordering take out for every meal. Double, triple, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Coincidently, that day I started feeling a little tickle in the back of the throat that has since developed into a full blown cold. LG and Didi seemed to have minor runny noses for a day or so, but are currently fine. David thought he felt something, but then it when again. Meanwhile, my nose is a faucet, my throat is on fire, and I have a headache 10 feet thick. The fact the rest of the family seems to be barely affected seems to me as proof positive that taking care of an almost 3 year old and a baby who is NOT SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT, will run you down. (BTW, thank you David for taking the kids of out my hair today so that I could rest up a bit).

All this plus Chinese New Year's has made me a super flake and I totally forgot about an important birthday dinner for a good friend of mine's son.

Anyway, I promise no more watching back episodes of Ugly Betty on abc.com and staying up until 11pm because that's the only me time I get. It's time to be a good, well-rested mommy, and in bed by 9pm.

I promise, my next post will really about the challenges up ahead and I will stop whining about what a crappy week I had.

Giant Leap into the SAHM Abyss

I am now officially a SAHM (to translate internet parlance to plain English - this means Stay at Home Mom) - at least for the next 8 months. I'd like to think I agonized over this decision. Except for taking three months off when LG was born and the past 5 months for Didi's maternity leave, I've been working continuously for 10 years. In fact, I haven't really even had to look for a new job in that time. Work is what I do. Work is/was my identity.

But as my maternity leave was drawing to a close, I kept waiting for life at home to get easier. By easy, I mean both kids are asleep by 8pm so I can log back on to work and/or one parent can handle bedtime so the other can work late and/or both children sleep well enough through the night so I can wake up refreshed to tackle a day at work.

Well, at the four month mark, I could not put a tickmark next to ANY of the conditions above. I'm lucky if Didi's asleep in the crib by 9pm. He also REFUSES to let David put him to bed. On good nights he wakes up once or twice and on bad nights...well, you don't want to know. And with just a few weeks left, I was seriously considering whether going back to work was really a good idea.

In the plus column - income and security. Mostly the latter as we do have some money saved up so that a few months off wouldn't be too much of a hardship. David's not exactly known for continuous employment and independent health insurance for a family of four is pretty darn expensive. However, for now at least, David's working and working hard. He usually doesn't get home until 6:30 or 7 and I have had a couple nights where I had to manage the solo bedtime.

Still, the $$$ is a pretty big plus.

On the minus column - well, the list got kind of long. I hate admit it, but one of the biggest negatives was another year of pumping. No one understands this unless they've done it. (And if you have, I'm sure you are nodding vigorously in agreement). To summarize in a word - it sucks...excuse the pun. It takes over an hour out of the work day, then you've got to manage the milk supply (what to freeze what to defrost - I swear it took a spreadsheet to keep track!) and as the baby's appetite increases, praying the nursing gods that you can pump enough to keep up. Oh that, and the calluses one develops on the nipples! A co-worker's wife did it for a year for each of his two daughters. Power to her, because the thought of doing it again was depressing to say the least.

In a similar vein - Didi is not a big fan of the bottle. As with LG, we started him at 3 weeks and had him take one every day or every other day and the older he got, the less he'd drink out of one. Right now, we're lucky if we can get 2 oz's down his throat. LG couldn't have been more different. He was an equal opportunity chugger - breast, bottle, milk, formula - as long as it was warm and swallowable, he was a fan. Didi? I can just imagine him drinking a few ounces during the day and then waking up at all hours to get his nourishment at night.

Then there was the childcare issue - LG has graduated from a babysitter to nursery school twice a week. Pick up is 5pm, no calling and saying I'll be late. I work across a major bridge, so it means I'd have to leave at 4pm as my commute could be either 20 minutes or an hour. One accident and I'm screwed. This year has turned out to be a stormy one, and with each rainy day that passes I feared the might fines I'd have to pay because I was late, yet again.

Then finally, it was my job. I took this job a few months after I returned from maternity leave with LG as I was promised that it would be more flexible and laid back than my other one. It turned out to be the complete opposite. It was more high profile and more complex and definitely not nine to five. When an issue came up, David had to be single dad for awhile - sometimes months. It also required occasional travel which, frankly, I can't imagine right now. I was finding it hard to manage the work/life balance before baby #2. Most of the senior management at work had spouses that either stayed at home full time, or had spouses with much less demanding jobs so that the culture in my company was to work long and hard. Well, David's job is also demanding and requires that he occasionally work late and on weekends. He's also new, so he has a lot to prove. I just couldn't see how I could pull off the hours I did before.

In short, it's the wrong job in the wrong location for this time in my life.

I also talked to other moms who too